woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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