R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
