I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
