i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
