but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
