they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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