Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Someone came in the potted fern
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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