Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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