She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
