Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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