We're like a lot better than the average bears
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
