i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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