I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
