Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Text me some of your sweat
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
