i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
