apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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