i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
