He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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