It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
