I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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