I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
