Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
