Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
