That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I lost the right to judge tonight
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
