where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
