Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
