Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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