Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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