My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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