think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
