so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
