Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
