my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
