I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
