He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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