You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
