I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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