we have officially lost it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
