who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
