Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
