so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
