you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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