Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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