I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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