What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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