i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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