Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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