"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
