Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
