There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
