Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
