No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's blow job season.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
