I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
