gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
