OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
